Who are when you don’t know who you are?
We are often defined by our groups, roles and relationships. Familial: parent, child, sibling. Communal: friends, neighbors. Societal: Nationality, cultural, political and religious. Or sometimes we identify more with our work or talents: Lawyer, Teacher, Artist, Leader. But who are you when these signifiers shift? When relationships or jobs end? When things you used to do you no longer do? Who are you underneath all of those layers? Do we exist outside of relationship?
In coaching school we learned about the Big 5 personality factors and a bit about personality theory. Essentially, in this framework “who you are” can only be named by how you appear in relationship with others. The Big 5 are:
Openness to experience: Inventive and curious vs. consistent and cautious.
Conscientiousness: Efficient and organized vs. extravagant and careless.
Extraversion: Outgoing and energetic vs. solitary and reserved.
Agreeableness: Friendly and compassionate vs. critical and judgmental.
Neuroticism: Sensitive and nervous vs. resilient and confident.
Of course this is just one model, although it has been used quite bit for about a century to create things like personality assessments and to help with self-awareness, team dynamics, and personal growth. I remember rebelling against personality theory a lot in my mind and then taking assessments that already knew that my personality would make me rebel against prevailing theory. (Ha!)
I guess my question today is: how do YOU remember who you are? How do you decide who you are becoming? When external conditions are in flux (as they are for so many of us) or when there has been massive disruption (as there continues to be everywhere)? Or when you are intentionally or unintentionally shifting yourself? How do you begin to re-identify and reclaim? Or name something new for the first time?
What are the practices that bring you home?
